sleepless tiredness

I feel so tired
Can hardly keep open
Mind and eyes
My thoughts scattered
Dancing a raging inferno
Questions needing answered
Left to burn
Words unsaid,
Forgetting things learnt

Do you ever have one of those days
You can't be who you want to be,
Or need to be, you don't function
Instead pull the covers up high
And drift away far away
Sleep soundly
Dream profoundly
Cast all thought to the
Filing room of who cares

But still I feel so light and heavy
Unbalanced scales

Sense of moving slowed
Tongue tied up
Thoughts shatter and
Mix to a blended fire ball of
Not allowing sleep

Still I feel so speechless
So lost without shutting my eyes
And pulling up the covers
Not watching the wee small hours

Please can I sleep now?

complicated simplicity

Sitting on the train
My mind begins to wonder
I worry over simple and complicated

My future paths unpaved,
The directing light not
Pointedly lit.

Why I wonder can I no longer cry
Is it fear of my tears turing to rust
Is it fear that my heart and emotions
Now solidifying around me.
Is it that I no longer care

I shake my head in disbelief
Perhaps I tell myself
It is because I have not had a
Worthy cause for tears
Or I am saving them for a
A titanic occassion

My conscience an overbearing sack
Of useless pebbles tells me NO

I have carried this sack for so long
That I have forgotten what each
Pebble resembles
There are a few I feel
Time has not erroded, instead
They remain sharp and jab at my back
Reminders of personal stumbles

Why I wonder is it
I have traded passion for laziness
And sorrow or hunger for weariness
My conscienc says work,
I am unsure...

Surely as a carer, I continue,
I need passion and feeling
To help understand
Or is it that now I am just a
System of analysis for
Every unit I meet.

I guess I will never know,
Perhaps my passion and PA
Will one day return.... one day.

detached observations

Tired of the crowd
The cold hard granite
And thick sliver of artistic glass
Hold my weary weight

Gathering a touch
Of somesort of composition
Slowly silently I watch
A speedy symphony
Of disorder and greed,
My canvas.

"Big issue" I hear
An echo of desparation
With no return, a pound a punnet,
A bunch for two, few will give in
The land locked sirens wail

Dialogue and private chat,
Media and incredulosity,
Some concern and need to dos
Uncontrollable youth and desparation

These are the colours on the canvas

Fear of becoming dizzy
I take from the canvas to the skies
Above these concrete towers are dreams
I ponder the possibility of catching the air
And of riding the clouds

Sadly a mere impossibility
My dreams float up to be
With the clouds and air
It is my curse to live in the chaotic canvas
We call society.

Her Smile in The Rain

Running, Running, through shade and light,
Down paths of ancient feets
Refreshed by natures shower
Eyes focused on the trails end

Then...

There she was, leaning on the grand oak
Eyes blue gaze, reflecting the skys blue haze.
Her smile augmented by the blue gaze
Sparkle of precious stone.

The weather of Irish tradition
Sun fighting to beat the clouds
Beams refracting on droplets of heavens tears
Adding colour to the greys of day.

My aim looses focus
Clumsyness and unsteadiness take flight
I fall, regaining composure
I readjust my focus and stand

Unaware of my glancing stare
She looks up, eyes more soulfully blue
Looks lock, her smile
Like a beacon guides me to her safety

We walk and talk
Heavy with heavens tears
We run to a fallen ancient pillar of nature
Settled by a babbling brook

Sitting laughing and smiling
Time goes by, future hopes
Silly stories fill our conversation
Eyes still focused on our soulful gaze.

It seems the world has stopped
The trees dancing a triumphant dance of our meet
The raindrops making sweet melody of our coincidental gaze
The birds singing songs of our 'it was meant to be'

Sadly however,
Time is not a patient thing
It does not stop or wait or wonder
Its getting late she says
I beg her to stay

Anxious of what is to come
I try to keep her for a little longer
We have a gentle embrace
Off she goes

As I look down to the babbling brook
To ask why or what next?
She runs back, kisses me
And says "same time tomorrow"

We met again, this time
We enjoy the gentle breeze
A kind sun, chatting
Of times gone by, family and possibility

As a whisp of smoke its over
Since then, I dream of that perfect meet
That perhaps some day
That smile in the rain...

The State Of Man

The other day, I was reading an article about how much man has changed in the year. As I was reading this I began to think about how man has deteriorated in the past few decades. In the article it talked about the worries of man, it spoke of the stresses of man. I find this quiet sad that man who is supposed to be macho masculine and strong minded. There are a few men out there that still prove the tradition of the strong masculine man.

I admit I am not a good example of the strong man, but I do adhere to some of those traditions that make a man a man. I don't go to the doctors when I feel ill nor do I take tablets to make myself better. I let the pain happen and for the body to deal with it, as the body is made to do. I do complain sometimes, which traditional man did not do, but I get on with the day if I do feel the pain.

Anyway I do wonder whether modern man is going to become just something of a norm, and traditional man will just become extinct. I was reading about how man stress and worry about success they worry about war and disease. In the good old days man took life in his stride, didn't show if he worried but just got on with things. However, since we are told about everything, it allows us to learn about things and then build up a worry or stress about it.

This is my plea, that we tear away from the advance to the modern metrosexual man, but instead run and take hold of the masculine, macho, take life as it comes, take the bull by the horns and just become the traditional man. I hear that is what women really want, I think they really get freaked by the sensitive man.

So let's learn to be more masculine macho men....aaaaarg.

a few thoughts on the past few days.

On Sunday I was at church and our pastor and his wife were informing us of how they were so pleased that we as a fellowship were like a large family, which I agreed with.

I also that afternoon before having a nap for night shift I was speaking to my parents who were informing me of the goings on at home and all that was happening with my grandparents. Anyway, it got me thinking about the familial bond of love. No matter how much we cant stand our family sometimes or no matter what happens in the family, your family will always be there for us. We may have our embarrassments with our families, yet again they are still our family and will still be there with us.

The same is said for God and the relationship we have with him, if you do that is. In fact even if we aren't saved, God is still there for us, he watches over us, listens to us and knows what is best for us. He has a strong bond with us that we will always have through thick and thin.

I felt very loved, when I thought about this...isn't it awesome.