complicated simplicity

Sitting on the train
My mind begins to wonder
I worry over simple and complicated

My future paths unpaved,
The directing light not
Pointedly lit.

Why I wonder can I no longer cry
Is it fear of my tears turing to rust
Is it fear that my heart and emotions
Now solidifying around me.
Is it that I no longer care

I shake my head in disbelief
Perhaps I tell myself
It is because I have not had a
Worthy cause for tears
Or I am saving them for a
A titanic occassion

My conscience an overbearing sack
Of useless pebbles tells me NO

I have carried this sack for so long
That I have forgotten what each
Pebble resembles
There are a few I feel
Time has not erroded, instead
They remain sharp and jab at my back
Reminders of personal stumbles

Why I wonder is it
I have traded passion for laziness
And sorrow or hunger for weariness
My conscienc says work,
I am unsure...

Surely as a carer, I continue,
I need passion and feeling
To help understand
Or is it that now I am just a
System of analysis for
Every unit I meet.

I guess I will never know,
Perhaps my passion and PA
Will one day return.... one day.