Deep Deep Shivers... a Cry of My Soul...Really!

I have been in deep prayer about this moment and where God will guide me with this. But I  had to put it into this form so my mind could be at ease and I could rest a little more...

The warm smell of an autumnal drink

Wafted through the air, ginger and spice,

The leaves danced in the windows light

Joyfully playing with the breeze

Above the glaring screen of my notebook,

Sat a gentle spirit, her eyes glimmering peace

her gentle oasis blues concentrating on her notes

Her delicate smile brought shivers to my soul

She caught my stare, and smiled

I smiled a bashful smile back

We playfully returned facial mien

And she let a gentle giggle release

I looked down still smiling

Thinking of her angelic voice

Listening to her joy filled laughter

Her prayerful heart uttered harmony

I prayed and prayed, as my heart stirred

I waited and supplicated with the Father

Impatient and thankful, what to do

How to initiate, Lord guide me, I beg

Lord grant me the perfect moment

Grant me the meet cute, your purpose

For my heart screams for this

My soul says so be it. So be it!

Now for the timing to be right

For the perfect voicing, of why

my heart and mouth in union

Lord guide my next move. 

why I write

I felt encouraged to write the other day, as I had not written for a little while. So I thought I would write about why I write.

Sometimes when the day does not make sense

And time has passed by without notice

I find I have missed out on something of importance

An important headline of the days happenings,

A good conversation with a long standing friend.

Sometimes even a telephone call with a distant companion,

So now I write things down, I write things down so I notice more,

Like how a person motions when they are passionately speaking

Or how a red and orange leaf falls ever softer through the wind

Settling peacefully to the ground. Or sometimes I now notice

The people passing by some with face of focus and others

Others looking for a wonder why, while seeking answers in the hosts above

Other times I like to step out of the mayhem and thank the Lord he made it all.

I find as I write that my hidden expressions become a reality on a page

That I can share with people that which I hid so well

I write to let people know what is happening in the life of me, behind the Grecian mask.

I write so my heart can speak what my mouth cannot. That is most important of all.

At Thy Feet

Inadequate I came before your throne

Ashamed to bring my face into your light

Legs trembling, throat dry, back arched

Brow shadowed eyes, open only slight.

Edging forward, ever slower goes the pace

Every heart beat a war hammer against my chest

“You’re not worthy” whispers the deceiver’s voice

I answer, “I know I am not the best”

Thoughts engulfed in me, myself and I

A warm, comforting grasp upon my shoulder

I ever slowly lift my shadowed face

The burden borne large like a boulder

Unworthy and quivering still

The grasp encourages me to look

Now kneeling, I lift my eyes into light

I know only of Him from His Book.

He beckons me to stand, I cannot

He calls me to stand, quaking I arise.

Heartfelt warmth surrounds me

As I gaze into The Potters eyes.

I ask Him to take my heart, and do His work

I hand my heart over to Him, with fear

I ask Him to change me, mold me.

It won’t be easy, but He is near.

He begins to peel back the layers

Helplessness takes hold of my mind

Strength sapped from my very being

The boulder He was meant to find

The weight is lifted and disposed of

I fall to my knees again, willingly

I worship His name, and praise Him

A rarity as tears fall abundantly

My all, my everything, less of me.

My mind says more of you,

My strength, really His, my hope.

And now I can start anew.

I thank the Lord morning, noon and night,

I praise the Lord for revealing me to me

I live my days now under His wing

I was blind but now I see

Father use me, all of me

a fire burning bright

a joyful breath, and heartbeat

my goal, Jesus is in my sight.

the Joy of my heart, forever...

Splendour and Majesty

The splendour of the swallow

And majesty of the mountains

Show his glory and perfect grace,

Like a coloured and creased bed sheet

The dales stretch out before me,

The trees and bushes clap their hands

In praise adoration and love

Why then oh my soul

Are you downcast and dry

When all around God continues to show

His grace and beautiful craftsmanship

Nature shows its adoration to the throne

Where is my adoration, after all he made me too

Like a blossom tree in bloom

Our life looks great and beautiful

But every moment and memory falls like

The blossom petals fall and flutter

With every gust of wind

God unchanging in his nature

Never leaves, never fades, always loves

Why oh my soul

Don’t you shout from the rooftops

Scream echo’s in the valleys

Tell everyone you meet

That Abba father is the craftsman

He is the loving, gracious, and caring God.

Let it free scream it out,

Shout it now and forever

Our Lord did this for us all.

For us all….

Coram deo

What Does “Coram Deo” Mean?

2 Timothy 4 1-5

I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom: preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths. As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfil your ministry.

The other day I was asked by a friend, what it meant for me to be a Christian, I thought good and hard about it, and couldn’t give him a succinct answer, later when reading a post from an old colleague I saw it as plain as day. The title of the post was simply, Coram Deo. Literally it means in the presence of God. In 2 Timothy Paul tells Timothy to preach the word and be ready for anything coming his way, but to do it in the presence of God and Jesus the judge.

I decided to look it up and called my friend back and gave him this Latin term. I said, “The big idea of the Christian life is Coram Deo. Coram Deo captures the essence of the Christian life.” He had been in latin class with me in school so knew what it literally meant. This phrase stuck with me so I thought I would share what God put on my heart about it. Bear with me, I may show a bit of passion about it.

This phrase literally refers to something that takes place in the presence of, or before the face of, God. To live Coram Deo is to live one’s entire life in the presence of God, under the authority of God, to the glory of God.

To live in the presence of God is to understand that whatever we are doing and wherever we are doing it, we are acting under the gaze of God. God is omnipresent. There is no place so remote that we can escape His penetrating gaze. With me so far?

To be aware of the presence of God is also to be terribly aware of His sovereignty. Our continuous experience is to recognize that if God is God, then He is indeed sovereign. When Saul was confronted by the brilliant glory of the risen Christ on the road to Damascus, his immediate question was, “Who is it, Lord?” He wasn’t sure who was speaking to him, but he knew that whoever it was was certainly sovereign over him.

Living under divine sovereignty involves more than a reluctant submission to sheer authority that is motivated out of a fear of punishment. It involves recognizing that there is no higher goal than offering honour to God. Our lives are to be living sacrifices, offered in a spirit of adoration and gratitude. As it says in 1 corinthians 10:31, So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

To live all of life Coram Deo is to live a life of integrity. It is a life of wholeness that finds its unity and coherency in the majesty of God. A fragmented life is a life of disintegration. It is marked by inconsistency, disharmony, confusion, conflict, contradiction, and chaos.

The Christian who compartmentalizes his or her life into two sections of the religious and the nonreligious has failed to grasp the big idea. The big idea is that all of life is for God or none of our life is for God. An example would be, the elephant, we don’t see an elephant trying to be an elephant; he just is an elephant as long as he breathes and eats and sleeps he is an elephant, we don’t see elephants trying to be a mouse. That would be just ridiculous, could you imagine the mouse traps?

This means that if a person fulfils his or her job as a builder, lawyer, or student Coram Deo, then that person is acting every bit as set apart as a soul-winning evangelist who fulfils his job. It means that David was as set apart when he obeyed God’s call to be a shepherd as he was when he was anointed with the special grace of kingship. It means that Jesus was every bit as sanctified when He worked in His father’s carpenter shop as He was in the Garden of Gethsemane.

Integrity is found where we live our lives in a pattern of consistency. It is a pattern that functions the same basic way in church and out of church. It is a life that is open before God. It is a life in which all that is done is done as to the Lord. It is a life lived by principle, not convenience; by humility before God, not cheek. It is a life lived under the instruction of conscience that is held captive by the Word of God.

Coram Deo … before the face of God. That’s the big idea. Next to this idea our other goals and ambitions become mere trivialities. So lets pray that we learn to give our all to God bringing everything before the face of God.

Just as Mother Theresa said, true holiness is doing Gods will with a smile….

Eagles wings

The wind blowing in my face,
A warm feel beneath my grip,
A contented embrace
A comfort never felt before,

Wind rushing through my hair,
I dare not open my eyes
I don’t want this to end
He knows what was,
is and is to come.

The clouds gently open
The sky a gentle blue
The sun a warm protect
Blessed am I, oh how blessed.

Qualms and disquiet fall from me
Knowing he has me
And my destiny
Soaring on to that hill

Golgotha a silent hill
Empty but not forgotten
The garden tomb void
Wings spiral and guide

No longer a weary soul
Enchanted by his grace
Enriched by his love
No need for feeble thought

Soaring, soaring, swooping,
High above mankind
The heavens praise his name
Safe at last, in his arms.

Riding on the wings of the eagle
Weary soul no more a burden
Oh how happy, the word I cry
An almighty yawp
Praise his name, praise Adonia.

lost?

Back against the ominous city gates
Oppression flowing through the streets
Darkness passes by my window
Seeping through the cracks

This room a prison cell
Tortures of happiness
Age a challenge undefeated
Lord come set me free.

310bpm my mind takes off
Spaghetti junction of thought
No control over any
No junction rest stop

Sleep drifts from my grasp
Mind too busy, no peace
Off switch broken or lost
Pillow a sharp nuisance

Many bodies little space
Many noises little peace
Many spaces none free.
Needing an escape.

God Speaks, I cant hear
His voice pulled away
By mindless currents
I am trying, really

Help me out God,
Show me stillness
Where I know you are
Give me peace to hear

That’s all I ask…. All I ask

where was alice and the white rabbit

the cushioned chair a gentle comfort for a weary soul
Gods word before me a soothing reminder of the love and mercy i recieve.
James letter to the tribes our study of the night,
tired eyes read on pondering the advice
mind drifts out of conversation
like a ship leaving port.

ears faintly hear the discusion
eyes widely staring at the page
words dancing and shaking like a rocket at launh
with a burst of light and mist
the words spiral off the page around me
like a hurricane of word and light and mist.

then i hear a voice like a man reading
reading his thoughts a he writes.
after he has spoken, i dive,
in a warp like fashion through God's word.

i arrive in a white room full of white
floating in the air are verses linked to James.
"now do you understand" echoes a voice.
i shrug my shoulders still perplexed.

in response the passages morph and twist
solid masses now imagery of the verses.
big black embossed letters fly before me,
like a speeding train,
STAND FIRM IN GOD, RESIST THE DEVIL

without wait, I entered a large white space,
where beside me stood a Roman centurion,
wearing the armour of God.
before him stood a large raging bull,
it began to charge, the soldier stood firm.

I hid behind the soldier in fear,
only to see his back was not protected,
the bull kept coming, the soldier stood firm.
he won, because he did not turn and flee.

Then the voice echoed again,
"do you understand now?"
still perplexed i nodded and hmmmed.

out of the light and words i flew,
pulsing out like the beat of a heart,
every pulse faster than before,
back to the cushioned comfort.

now i understood,
STAND FIRM IN GOD AND RESIST THE DEVIL
still within my minds eye.

delusion or not, I dont know,
all i know is Alice and the white rabbit,
were not there....

this happened to me while in homegroup.